Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
