***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
