In America we eat man semen.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
