I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
