Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
