I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
