Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
