I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
