She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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