As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
did i walk over a car last night?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
