Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
