she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
