So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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