Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
