we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
