Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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