On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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