its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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