once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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