Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Threesome in a minivan. New low
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
