i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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