i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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