His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
