is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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