I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
