I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
