I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
