I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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