i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
