every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
