Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
so much tequila, so little girl.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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