I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
