News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
my liver is dry heaving
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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