How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
