I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
