If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
