she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize