WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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