Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
