is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
