North Korea, Best Korea!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
