Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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