put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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