Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
