I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
