You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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