She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
