Whatcha textin bout Willis?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The beer is more important than you right now.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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