Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
