he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
