i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
