the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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