So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
