I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
