guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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