No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I think I just sharted jello shots
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