My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
