Me too!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
