So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
