He disabled his match.com account in front of me
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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