singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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