i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
