roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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