but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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