I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize