I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
