Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
