u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
