i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You're a disaster
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