As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
