you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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