Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we're making bets on your personal life
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize