The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
