I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
