I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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