I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
