Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
