If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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