You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize