so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Vodka?
Forever.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
