Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
