another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
COCAINE IS GR8
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
