we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
they're like a gay fantastic four
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
