Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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