seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
