i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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