I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
