it was like his penis was on wheels.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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