You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
