Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
