That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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