Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize