I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
