Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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