we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize