I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
