Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
