I'm gonna have a badass scar
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
