my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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