I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We need to get me chipped asap
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
