the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
