I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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