btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
