Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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